It's time to get smart or die trying

You are a fucking idiot! No, really, you are a fucking idiot. It's okay, though, because apparently so is everyone else. You're an idiot. I'm an idiot. We are idiots. But what about them? Oh, them? No, they're not idiots. THEY were kind enough to make everything easier for us idiots to comprehend.

It's not our fault that we are idiots. We did nothing to become idiots. Well, most of us anyways. Our idiocy is because the companies that make the products we use in our day to day lives have decided that we are idiots. They make more cash money than we do, so they get to decide just how stupid we are. The more I actually pay attention, the more that I realize that these corporations must really think that we're all drooling idiots that can't make it through our day without detailed instructions.

I was reading an article in a magazine the other day and when I got to the bottom of the page, right after the last line, there was a "Continued on page..." notice. This was nothing new to magazines or newspapers. Many times an article will run over the length of the page and the remainder will be in the back of the magazine or paper. They provide you with this notice so that you know what page to flip to so that you can continue reading the article. However, this one was, well...different.


Thank you for clearing that up, OXM! I wasn't familiar with page turning until you came along. It's a wonder I ever made it past page 1. Seriously? Do you think that there are people in this world dumb enough to finish reading the page and not turn the page? Instead, they just sit there grinning like an dickhead? The fucking article said it was listing "23 of our pet peeves." There were 2 listed on the first page followed by your "turn the page, idiot" notice to let us know that your 23 pet peeves didn't end after only 2. Thanks for thinking that we are that dumb. Pricks!

One of the other "warnings" that I never have understood happens when you're paying a bill online and it says "WARNING: Only click 'Submit' once!" It's like they think that we are all apes banging on a keyboard and if we click submit and it doesn't process in 2 seconds then we're just going to keep clicking submit hundreds of times until it does process. "AHHHHH!!!! WHY IT NOT CHANGE SCREEN WHEN CLICKY?!?!" *CLICK*CLICK*CLICK*CLICK*CLICK*CLICK* DICKHEADS!

I was microwaving a Samosa at work the other day while I weighed and bagged heroin when I happened to notice that ziploc bags come with instructions. I was almost in awe of how retarded that shit is. Knowing how to use a ziploc bag is common knowledge. Let's just be honest about it. There isn't one fucking person in this world that doesn't know how to use one. Even if you had never seen one and someone handed you one and told you to open it and then seal it, you would figure it out in 5 seconds. Which, by the way, is about 10 seconds less time than it would take you to read the instructions. It's just one of those things that comes with life. It's not taught in school, but everyone knows how to use them. Hell, half of us children of the 80's played with them as children. They made cool hats.


What's next? Instructions for watching a movie? Step 1 is to sit down and step 2 is to look at the screen. Taking your shopping out of the bag? Step 1: Open the end that isn't sealed shut. It's getting ridiculous. The problem that I have with these instructions isn't just because some company thinks I'm a complete idiot. It's also due to the fact that these companies are spitting in the face of natural selection. If we continue to dumb down everything, then eventually the world will become overrun with idiots that should have never made it that far. If you're dumb enough to click on submit 50 times and you pay your bill 50 times and drain your account, then you don't deserve to get your money back. You're an idiot and the company you're paying should just say "Well, thanks for the money. Better luck next time!" If you can't figure out to turn the pages of a magazine on your own, then you probably shouldn't be trying to read anyways. Get back to cleaning the toilet that I just destroyed with my Java Monster fuelled dump. And for fucks sake if you don't know how to use a ziploc bag, then you obviously have nothing worth storing in one. There needs to be a panel of people with different I.Q.s from 90 and higher that companies run their products by. If they can hand a product to a person with an I.Q. of 90 and they figure out how to use it, then no instructions are necessary. If only the people with an I.Q. of 130 or higher can figure it out, then they can put instructions on it. For those people 90 and under...it's time to get smart or die trying.