The Hip-Hop DJ Lifestyle

Lately I have become incredibly jealous of hip-hop DJs. They get to do things that no one else does. From releasing mixtapes and working with amazing artists to shouting their names over the music throughout the entire mixtape. It's the shouting part that makes me jealous. Just once, I would love to be able to do what they do. So I decided to come up with my own DJ name: DJ Rape-Face. Now when I go through my day to day activities, I harness my inner DJ and let him hype up the situation.



I was at the Tescos the other day and found myself in the dairy section trying to decide on milk. As I sat and pondered my decision, a few other shoppers showed up in the section. I let the DJ in me take over as I shouted out "DJ RAPE-FACE!!! 2009 WHOLE MILK LOCK DOWN!!!!!!!! YOU CAN'T STOP THE RAPE!!!" while I grabbed my gallon of milk. When I turned around, all I saw was the backsides of people running and some lady reporting me to the manager. I got to the checkout counter and was asked Cash or Card. "PLASTIC BAG WORLD DOMINATION!!!! RAPE-FACE EXCLUSIVE!!! PAYING WITH DEBIT CARD BITCH!!!!!!" When management finished escorting me off the premises, I decided that Tescos is full of nothing but punk ass haters!



With a lack of groceries, I decided to hit up McDonald's to get some food.

Employee: Welcome to McDonald's! Can I take your order?
Me: #5 WORLDWIDE!!! PICKLES ARE FOR HATERS!!!
Employee: Umm...what?
Me: APPLE PIE TAKEOVER!!! DJ RA-RA-RA-RA-RAPE-FAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Employee: I'm getting the manager.

The manager wasn't any help even when I told him what year it was. Fucking douchebag!



I was at work today and had to attend a meeting. I walked into the meeting room and announced myself by yelling out "DJ RAPE-FACE!" Everyone just stared at me in disgust. Haters! I took my seat and sat quietly.

Boss: Alright, time to review the quarterly reports. Dig Dash, if you would?
Me: DJ RAPE-FACE ROCKING REPORTS IN 2009!!!
Boss: What the hell is wrong with you?!
Me: WE GETTIN' THAT PAPER THIS QUARTER!!! WORLD DOMINATION!!!
Boss: WHAT ARE THE NUMBERS?!
Me: RAPE-FACE EXCLUSIVE!!! WE STACKIN' BREAD!!!!





Unemployment Clerk: Name?
Me: DJ RAPE-FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!