Nothing to do.. might as well jerk off.

Do you ever catch yourself feeling that way?

The other day, I was sitting traffic (London traffic is the best-- you get so much shit done) and I just whipped out my dick. Now granted, this is unorthodox, but still-- it was in my own vehicle. Much better than the time I pulled it out while in the doctors office waiting area.

But I've often wondered; do people masturbate out of necessity or habit? Is it because we actually crave the need to feel the man goo be shot out of our thundersticks or is it because as men, our hands just naturally gravitate towards our genitalia?

Women-- feel free to join in on this as well. Do you ever get the urge to jump on a large flag pole when you see it and slide down to the bottom in fits of glee?

I would propose a contest, not unlike the Seinfeld contest, or the film 40 days and 40 nights, but I know I would lose. But I do think that from now on, I will make a conscious effort to only tickle my pickle when I absolutely need to. And not just because it's convenient. And women-- you could help us guys with this as well! Do you know how many hours a man wastes a day masturbating? It's a fuckin' lot, I'll tell you!

Being a woman, you have a power that we don't-- the power to have sex whenever you fucking want to. If a guy wants sex, he usually has to spend about 50 quid, put on a happy face, be as witty and charming as Ryan Reynolds, and he miiiiiiiiiiiiiight get his dick wet later that night. When a girl wants to fuck? All she has to do is go to a bar and be there. A guy will hit on her and she has her pick of the litter. Or, if women were really smart (and by this, I mean-- what I would do if I was a women), I'd literally just stand out in the street and yell "Fuck Me" like the Exorcist.

But women, you can help, if you're single-- or a whore, by giving random handjobs. For instance, every-time a guy opens a door for you, give him a handjob. Or every time a guy pays for your dinner, or lets you in front of him at the checkout counter, give him a handjob. I'm not asking you to put your mouth on his penis. I'm asking you to take your hand (you don't even have to wash it before you do it) and just unzip, tug, let him finish, smile, and walk away. Now what did that take out of your day?

He gets a little action, you improve your handjob skills for your next boyfriend, and/or husband, and you get on with your life. No commitments, no hassle, just clean, easy fun. In fact, it'll be a good story to tell your friends. That way, that guy can go home, get more work done, and have a much more productive day, which may in turn actually help the economy.

So, next time you get a little down time and you feel like jerkin' it, see if you can find a girl to do it for you. Or just put it away until you actually need it. You may actually get something done today... and that's a good thing.