Online Dating Fail - I thought honesty was the best policy...

If you ask most women what they'd like in a man, they'd say 'honestly'. It's a valiant quality and not found in most people. So how are you rewarded when you're one of the few 'honest' ones out there? You're rejected for love. What sort of world do we live in?

It looks as if online dating just isn't cutting it. I suggest society heads back to an earlier time when you could just club a woman over the head and take her back to your cave. Ah, good times.

I Am A 70 Year Old Woman And I Just Happened Across The Big Penis Book In My Son's Room

This had me in stitches... First off, what 70 year old woman can manage to navigate their way to an Amazon review much less get on the internet?
This must be a skank!

This Is What Happens When Derkheads Get In A Room To Generate Ideas

Love the way he played up a racial stereotype! Bet he sold a shit load of cars to black folk after that... NOT!

If you have ever felt like a fucktard, take a look at this and feel brighter than Richard Hammond's teeth.

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: ‘I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,’
– Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .
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‘Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.’
–Mariah Carey
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‘Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.’
– Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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‘I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.’
– Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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‘Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.’
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC

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‘That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.’
–A congressional candidate in Texas
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‘Half this game is ninety percent mental.’
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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‘It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.’
–Al Gore, Vice President
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‘I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix ‘
– Dan Quayle while campaigning

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‘We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?’
–Lee Iacocca
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‘The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.’
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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‘We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.’
– Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor .
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‘Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.’
–Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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‘Traditionally, most of Australia ’s imports come from overseas.’
–Keppel Enderbery

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‘If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.’
–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Props to Will for showing me about this!

Temptation is a bitch!!! Mikey's moment of madness Part 1... by Guest Writer - Mikey Tuppence Bissessar

As i walks in the canteen at work earlier, i spot temptation instantly staring me blue in the face.
Big freshly baked cherry muffin started chattin shit in my ears as i walks past, n whispering at that too, so to make the till/dinner lady look at me with her puzzled expression ( as if her normal boat wasnt enough to make me cringe ) not having a clue who i am talkin to.
This till/dinner lady looks at me like i'm nutts....HELLO your the UUmpa Luumpa who is plonked on the chair all day behind the till shotting big cakes, drinks, sweets n messy sarnies with your white apron on n hat to match ( so small, cld pass for a party hat ) not to mention the long dull coloured bum fluffed socks that reach her knees.
So anyways, this little adorable cherry muffin say's ' psst psst sweetbwoy pops over yasso ' ( I'm thinkin sweetbwoy pops, who you kidding, i'm only 36 kmt ) I'm looking at Ms Muffin now ( i'm sure it's a she as her voice is sensual n soft, not to mention she has cherries dont, plus Mikey don't play that Wrong Said Fred shit!! ).
Ms Muffin say's ' you kno you want me, i can see the look in your eyes, go on be a freaky devil this morning n come on over n nibble me cherries sweets '
I am like ' what the rarse, move yuh damn self-i am easing off you fine baked beauties as your no good for me, so fuck off why dont ya' * thinking Granma says weh sweet yuh-will sour yuh *
I proceed to the hot drinks machine to deal with me ginger tea, but as i am pouring the hot water over me ginger granules, one of these frigging cherries decides to jump outta the muffin n roll over to my cup n plop into me hot drink n starts doing backstrokes in me gingertea.
Then decides to jump out onto the work top n break off some amazing road work looking like something outta Dukes of hazard, n got me thinking damn this is some serious va va vroom at its best right ere.
I neglect my cuppa of the finest ginger tea for a hot minute to pick up the buffest cherry ragga muffin i see on display as i can't take it no longer and have to get it, n proceed to the ole not so inviting till/dinner lady, n WOW n BEHOLD, i only have enough for me hot drink. damn you muffin man, shiit got me up like a real crack head up in this canteen right now.

My head starts to hurt, my eyes are bulging, i 'm having hot flushes, cold sweats, even getting the shakes looking like a played out black Shaking Stevens ( not a good look ).
Haaa-Aarh, cash link is like 10 yards across the canteen hall, so i cop a tenner out the hole, in order to get that 99p Cherry Ragga Muffin.
Then the moment we was waiting fro occurs, an get to indulge in such a pleasurable moment of happiness, it's almost as if i was having a threesome or involved in some sort of love triangle, to how it felt so wrong but sooo good, infact you cld say it was a clean orgy, me Ms Muffin n all dem cherries mmm...

To how i cracked n got me freak on that freshly baked cherry ragga muffin, i all felt slightly bad n guilty, especially at how it just had me up in the canteen soh. when i realised i didn't have the money on me to pay for it, i almost considered proposing a devilish sinful act to the till/dinner lady. Bear in mind she looks like a greek hobbit/womble type with hairy legs, also she rocks that bushy afro curly look like the one with the curly black hair in the Marx Brothers. Thank god for cash machine links!!!

I have heard of Talk To Frank, but i am thinking i need to contact Talk To Mr Kipling.....
Temptation is a Bitch!!!


by Guest Writer - Mikey Tuppence Bissessar

Black Nerd Comedy's New Video Spoofs Miley Cyrus AND Street Fighter IV?

That lovably black and nerdy comedian Andre Meadows (who goes by the name of Black Nerd Comedy on the internet) is back, and nerdier and comedy-er than ever. (Still same level of blackness.)

Mad Mad Mario - Dude does not fuck about!

I like this Mario... HE NO RAMP!!