Evian Roller Babies

This is so friggin' cool!

The Hip-Hop DJ Lifestyle

Lately I have become incredibly jealous of hip-hop DJs. They get to do things that no one else does. From releasing mixtapes and working with amazing artists to shouting their names over the music throughout the entire mixtape. It's the shouting part that makes me jealous. Just once, I would love to be able to do what they do. So I decided to come up with my own DJ name: DJ Rape-Face. Now when I go through my day to day activities, I harness my inner DJ and let him hype up the situation.



I was at the Tescos the other day and found myself in the dairy section trying to decide on milk. As I sat and pondered my decision, a few other shoppers showed up in the section. I let the DJ in me take over as I shouted out "DJ RAPE-FACE!!! 2009 WHOLE MILK LOCK DOWN!!!!!!!! YOU CAN'T STOP THE RAPE!!!" while I grabbed my gallon of milk. When I turned around, all I saw was the backsides of people running and some lady reporting me to the manager. I got to the checkout counter and was asked Cash or Card. "PLASTIC BAG WORLD DOMINATION!!!! RAPE-FACE EXCLUSIVE!!! PAYING WITH DEBIT CARD BITCH!!!!!!" When management finished escorting me off the premises, I decided that Tescos is full of nothing but punk ass haters!



With a lack of groceries, I decided to hit up McDonald's to get some food.

Employee: Welcome to McDonald's! Can I take your order?
Me: #5 WORLDWIDE!!! PICKLES ARE FOR HATERS!!!
Employee: Umm...what?
Me: APPLE PIE TAKEOVER!!! DJ RA-RA-RA-RA-RAPE-FAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Employee: I'm getting the manager.

The manager wasn't any help even when I told him what year it was. Fucking douchebag!



I was at work today and had to attend a meeting. I walked into the meeting room and announced myself by yelling out "DJ RAPE-FACE!" Everyone just stared at me in disgust. Haters! I took my seat and sat quietly.

Boss: Alright, time to review the quarterly reports. Dig Dash, if you would?
Me: DJ RAPE-FACE ROCKING REPORTS IN 2009!!!
Boss: What the hell is wrong with you?!
Me: WE GETTIN' THAT PAPER THIS QUARTER!!! WORLD DOMINATION!!!
Boss: WHAT ARE THE NUMBERS?!
Me: RAPE-FACE EXCLUSIVE!!! WE STACKIN' BREAD!!!!





Unemployment Clerk: Name?
Me: DJ RAPE-FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mother Sends Her Son A Text Congratulating Him On His Penis Size. What a PARRRRRR!

This is supposedly a text from Mother to Son. This takes the awkwardness to a whole new hilarious level. SHEEEEEE-IT!

Some Crackhead Dickhead going fuckin' crazy!

This delusional crack fiend decides to parrr a woman's car with a crowbar just to demonstrate to camera man exactly how much he doesnt not give a care about anyone or anything.

I'm sorry but if a random dickhead tried that shit with me, it would be the last random act of violence in his life!

First of all, if you are attacking my car your at a disadvantage, my car as a whole is considerable harder than your weapon. Damage to my car will be physical to the vehicle and emotional to me. I win.... in theory.

Second of all, my retort will cause you a world of pain mainly coz your douchebag ass will get run the fuck over. Yes, I will take the piss out of your life.

Enough SAID!

This Is The Funniest Sexual Harassment Training Video Of All Time

Most sexual harassment training videos for employees are pretty fucking boring, but that's because they rarely include phrases like "It smells like vagina in here" and "Word around the office is you've got a fat cock." This sexual harassment video may not be 100% real, but it is more than 100% fucking hilarious.

Ladies, would you date this guy?

This video is a prime example why I love YOUTUBE.... its the SHIT!!
Take this guy for example, who decided to announce to Youtube that he's looking for a girlfriend and to advertise his qualifications which include: having a 6-inch dick, being bipolar, living with his parents, being unemployed (shocker), not feeling emotion, loving to smoke weed, and having a member of his non-immediate family who is rich.

I rate dude highly for his honesty.

Eugene Mirman Explains How To Find A Husband

There's a lot of people out there dispensing relationship advice, but I'm not sure any of them are as entertaining and thought-provoking as comedian Eugene Mirman. In this video, he explains to women how they can go about finding a husband with such shrewd advice as "Don't reveal how crazy you are for a few years."

Take heed ladies!