One Night Stand Pranks by Kingpin

Have you ever had a one night stand only to wake up in the morning and realize that she wants more out of it than that? Perhaps you just got out of a relationship and needed to get some stranger to help move on. Or maybe you were plastered and that "10" that looked just like Scarlett Johansson looks more like Mickey Rourke when you wake up. It can be a horrible feeling. Luckily, I have several steps you can take to assure that you never see or hear from them again.

The first method takes a little setup to work. You first need to browse Craig's List and print up about 20-30 personal ads for casual encounters. Once you have the ads, you will need to get a Polaroid camera out and invite all of your female friends over. Snap a head shot picture of each of them standing in the same spot in your bedroom. Now staple all of the ads up on a wall so as to cover a large portion of the wall. On each Polaroid, write a name and fake address on the bottom portion and then pin each Polaroid to a personal ad. The final step is to draw X's over the faces of some of the pictures with a red marker pen. Important Note: The creep out factor is doubled if you have a few Polaroids of guys amongst the girls. The next time you wake up next to Miss Clingy, simply let her hang out for awhile. She will wander around your place being nosy until she comes across the wall of ads and photos. Naturally she will call you into the room and ask you what this wall is. Simply tell her that those are your friends. If she asks about the red X's on some of the photos, those are the friends who recently had fatal "accidents." Now bust out the Polaroid camera and ask her to pose for a picture. If she doesn't take off running immediately, then take her photo and ask for her address. You will hear the slam of your front door before you can grab a pen.

Did you take home a drunk girl from the bar? How drunk was she? Drunk enough to maybe not remember what happened? Actually she doesn't have to be that drunk for this next prank. Given the situation you're putting them in, they won't have time to go over what they do and don't remember from the night before since they will be in a state of complete terror. Be sure to wake up before her so that you can set-up. Be sure to stock up on Halloween make up, props and fake blood. My favourite to use in this situation is the fake knife sticking out of the chest. So get your fake knife sticking out of your chest and cover yourself in blood, especially the knife entry wound. Next, drench the sheets in fake blood. Now cover her in fake blood and be sure to get her hands. Now lie motionless in bed next to her. Be sure to keep yourself covered with the sheet. Choose a great death face. I like to go "eyes of shock" and mouth slightly open. Wait for her to wake up and discover the blood. She will freak out and scream. She may even cry. She will eventually remove the sheet from your body, exposing the horrible murder she committed last night. She WILL cry at this point. Now wait a couple of minutes before laughing like a maniac. Tell her that you got her good and she should have seen the look on her face. Follow that up with one of these two sentences: 1) "Wanna go fuck like zombies in the shower?" or 2) "Laugh or I'll kill you!" Now clean yourself up and play some 360.

This last prank is the easiest of the three. Get up in the morning and sit down at your computer. Login to YouPorn.com and wait. When she comes smiling through the door smiling and asks what you're doing. Reply word for word with "Uploading last night's footage to You Porn. You know how the camera adds 10 pounds? Don't worry, only your ass got the shit end of that stick." Prepare to be slapped, but also prepare to have your morning freed up.

So there you have it, my top 3 pranks to pull on a one night stand to assure that they stay a one night stand. I hope that these help the next time you find yourself in a bad situation. And remember, I'm not responsible for the police kicking in your door should one of them call the pigs.